Life really boils down to 2 questions...

1. Should I get a dog?

or..

 

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,' how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

'I am Italian and I am a golfer,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such a good shape.  I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.  I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'

'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it.

How old was your father when he died?'

'Who said my father's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your father's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says the old Italian golfer.  'In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive.  He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father?   How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Nono's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

'No, Nono couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married!! Why would an 118-year-old guy want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?' came the quick reply.


Susan notes: We all have different views of mid-life and menopause. The one below bemoans some of the changes, and ends on a positive note... For another equally humourous piece by Shyama Perera in the Mail Online (from which I borrowed the illustration...), click here. You can read my menopause story here.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.



In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans.  
We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Susan notes: This bit of comedic commentary about the aging process is most often attributed to George Carlin, but according to Truth or Fiction there's no evidence that George, amusing though he was, actually wrote or performed this routine. That doesn't make it any less funny and thougth-provoking.

Here's a clip of comedian Larry Miller doing the delivery:

And the words:

Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about ageing that you think in fractions.