An elderly man really took care of his body.

He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day.

One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis.

So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along.

Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Real Mothers don't eatquiche; they don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesn't come out of shag carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbors male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,